U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize
