If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
