So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
Randomize
