oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
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