I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
Randomize
