Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
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