im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
Randomize
