There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
Randomize
