can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
Randomize
