My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Randomize
