I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
Randomize
