Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
Randomize