My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
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