just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
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