my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
Randomize
