you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
