I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
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