Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Randomize
