3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
She's just so happy...and so naked.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
