im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
Randomize
