South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
