ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
Randomize
