The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
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