Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
Randomize
