Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
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