It's like a parade of train wrecks.
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
Randomize
