Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
My feet surprised me
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