tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Randomize
