nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
Randomize
