I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
I came so hard my ears popped.
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
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