Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
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