I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
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