Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
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