Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Randomize
