She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
Randomize
