so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
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