i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
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