You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
Screwed.edu
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
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