It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Randomize
