yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
Randomize
