I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
Randomize
