I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
Enjoy the penises
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
Randomize