so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
Randomize
