but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
Randomize
