I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
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