Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
