We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Randomize
