Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize
