We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
