toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
Randomize
