News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
Liz is crying about burritos again.
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
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