I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
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