My room smells like vodka and shame
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
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