Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
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