My boss' voice literally gives me gas
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
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