i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
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