brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
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