She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
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