He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
It's rum buckets o'clock
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
