apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
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