The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
Randomize
