her vagina looked like bernie madoff
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
Randomize
