We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
Randomize