How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
Randomize
