I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
Randomize
