Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
she told me i tasted like america
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
Randomize
