my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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