I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
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