everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
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