Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
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