i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
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