I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
Randomize
